My Joy

I am convinced I had not known pure joy until I met you.

Of course, I had felt sunbeams on my face and seen beauty in sunsets and the sound of the ocean. Heard a baby’s laugh and slept in someone’s arms that I loved. Seen snowflakes and sunrises and many wondrous things. But I would have given up all pleasures of the world for you. It is not a secret that you will never stop dazzling me. I had never known beauty until you and I would not be surprised if I lived my whole life and never found wonder again.

Coffee Stained Love

The morning I left, I left you in bed

with a coffee-stained love note.

My shirt, only half tucked in,

My hair only half done, a loose bun,

but I was  halfway out the door

with one shoe on and a triangle of toast

dangling from my cherry red lips.

 

How I did not kiss you goodbye  in fear of branding you bloody

How whilst on my early commute to work

I wished I had.

Chess Piece Lover

Before the move;

Ape, murmur, obey.

I am twin of your voice

Mirror it

 

What a shame I wear day

As though I were insane,

You obedient with moves, bold echoing

motions, image, moods

 

Until you rock the enemy

Then you move

The chess piece starter

 

How incredible

to be grown, sensible,

whilst I maddening.

 

 

 

 

 

Love Equations

Our Love pencil smudged.

How you could not help but make it anything but mathematical,

How I could not help but hate you for it.

Our Tracing paper love ripped

Your logical brain and  my rubber heart a useless eraser,

Erase-her

Did she feel how I feel?

Will you keep on the straight and narrow

don’t you dare pencil me out now

and fall in love with the point of the compass

whilst detesting my soft projector  curve,

Was I too woman for you?

The sharp  point of your own silver compass, cold and piercing,

How I would always come back to you, scratched,

my heart a fistful of crumpled equation paper.

How I would try to multiply and add whilst you would divide and

subtract our relationship.

How you could never quite let me go.

So go ahead, Tell me Again,

Tell Me you love me 360 degrees.

My Equinox Lover

The witching hour

Our midnight equinox secret

The raven blood and white magic that bound us together

Your love a mood stone of contrasting colours how you could not love me just black and white

A star name

An in the next life darling,

The universe of us rotating,

Parallel lines aligned, the stars finally coming together,

Oh, won’t you love me until the sky turns black and the stars scatter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With You

With you,

I didn’t write for a whole year

Because I was so happy,

La la la

In pretty dresses,

My Sunday best,

Your arms warm

wrapped around me like a

fuzzy cocoon,

I didn’t want to wake up.

 

I wrap myself in blankets now,

I traded dresses for trousers,

I don’t wear much makeup anymore;

I am starting to think it was all for you.

Maybe it was,

Perhaps it’s all just a transaction in the end.

 

Perhaps  now I’ll make my own cocoon

And

I will stop waking up at 3am,  wondering how a pillow replaced your chest.

Porcelain Beauty

It’s always hard when someone is in love with the idea of you

Like One false move

One wrong step

And your porcelain image will shatter in front of them,

Cracks will appear

To reveal your weaknesses and your downfalls and your past mistakes

And you will no longer be this out of reach

human

beauty

porn-star.

You are real and raw and you shit and you cry

And you are so imperfect

So wayward

So backwards in your flawlessness

It’s the artificial parts of you that they bloodlust after

Not the thoughts, emotions and feelings that overwhelm

you

It scares them that a pretty little thing can feel so much

And so

Of course, they run away

As fast as they can

With the hope that cracks do not appear

in the next porcelain beauty.

Distance

 

Distance came to me a year later,

Tall and handsome,

he had not changed.

 

But, You haven’t known Distance.

Not until he says hello,

and you can’t recognise his voice anymore

 

Until he hugs you

and his arms

feel foreign,

 

Until you breathe him in

but his scent has been

forgotten.

 

I was certain I only knew Distance

once you were no longer familiar

to me.

 

But two years later,

Distance came again,

and

I welcomed him back

like an old friend.

 

 

Willow Tree Dreams

My willow tree/
dream
All bark and brown and
leafy green/
Suddenly changes/ the weather tugs
At milk clouds/birds disperse/
A storm ahead/ humid grey and orange streaks
The rain almost disbands in on itself/ Then
An explosion/
A thousand tiny drop-
lets
see what happens next/
The sky said to the willow tree,
As the sun tickled my neck to say hello
And ‘don’t forget about me’/
the sky a purple florid
Then dusk
a pop of white/
I welcomed the milky way /that night
in willow tree dreams

Summer dress weather

Sun soaked days

And summertime dresses

 

Ice cream hands

Bumble-bee flowers

 

Painted toes

and flip-flop weather

 

Me and you

Together